My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
