90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Randomize
