ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
