Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
