Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
