i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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