You're my little dorito
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
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