I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
