St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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