So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
