Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just forgot I was standing up.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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