I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
