Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
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