I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
YAS. BRING CRAB.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
