literally had 100 drinks last night.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
