How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
