i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
