Dude my mom stole all your condoms
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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