one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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