Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
It was disgusting, and I would've rather licked the condensation off the windows instead, but I figured that's wasn't very ladylike
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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