I feel like abortions should bother me more
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
Randomize
