If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
