Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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