If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
