you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
