the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
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