She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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