you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
