I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
We are two peas in an std pod
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I have fence marks all over my body
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
