He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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