made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
Randomize
