hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I stole a fireplace last night.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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