i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
