Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize