It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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