3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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