I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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