I look better un-naked...
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Sorry my hands just texted you
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
