Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
All I want is dick and wine.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
