Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
