oh fat girl friday strikes again...
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
