One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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