I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Randomize
