my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I skipped work to stalk him.
cat food counts as protein by the way
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
