peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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