Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
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