My balls are so social today.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
