we have officially mastered the walk of shame
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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