I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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