im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
NoShamevember. You game?
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
