Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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