i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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