Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
