Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
