I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
