My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
