Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
love makes seman taste better
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
Randomize
