Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
Randomize
