I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
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