I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I CAN MOONWALK!
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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