thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
