You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
