is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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