i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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