This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
