Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
We just shotgunned beers for America
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
