i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize