Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
