Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
my mom just left...time to break out that water bottle of wine that I sewed into my teddy bear
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Randomize
