I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
