I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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