I'm lost and stupid without you.
I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
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