Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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