"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
