I'm eating all of the evidence.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
The adults are the big ones right?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
