I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
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