so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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