what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
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