Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
