some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
