operation have a gay friend backfired
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Randomize
