the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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