I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Pooping to opera.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
