Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
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