i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
