I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
